Congratulations, you’re not alone…

Honestly, I think almost every woman I work with receives this feedback. But when you ask your manager what they mean, you often hear: "Just do it!"

And then you think, yes, but how?

Frequent Feedback: You Need to Be More Visible

Women are much more likely than men to receive feedback that they need to be more visible. This is because it's an important unspoken rule. I say unspoken because it’s not something you hear when you start a new job. Or did they say it to you? No, right? I didn’t think so. But that’s why I’m here—to make all those unspoken rules clear to you.

Now, you might be thinking, "I’m fine with things as they are." And that’s okay. You just do your work, and your manager should see how good you are. The problem is that your manager is overseeing multiple people. It’s difficult for them to see how well everyone is doing, what the results are, etc. So, you could also think of visibility as helping your manager to assess you accurately. Easy, right?

Why Do You Want to Be Visible?

If you’re not visible, you run the risk of missing out on things like:

• Promotion Opportunities On one hand, it’s important to let others know that you want to be promoted. If you don’t say it, they might assume you lack ambition. On the other hand, it’s crucial to show that you’re the right person for the promotion. As a woman, you need to have your track record in order, because women are judged on their track record—whether they’ve done it before. Men, on the other hand, are judged on potential—whether they see him doing it. I know it’s unfair, but that’s unfortunately how it still works.

• Salary Increases Salary increases don’t just happen. You have to ask for them, and just like with promotion, you need to have your track record in order. Did you know that women used to be paid less than men? Do you know why? The assumption was that women had a man at home earning a salary, so they needed less. Visibility is also about managing all the assumptions others have about you.

• Standing Out in Terms of Talent The higher you climb in an organization, the less room there is for everyone. Organizations are often structured like a pyramid. So, if you have the ambition to grow and your colleague has the same ambition, your talent needs to stand out and be visible. And trust me, your male colleague, who is good at navigating those unspoken rules, will make sure he gets noticed.

Why Not Be Visible?

Now you know why you need to be visible, but actually doing it is another story. Many women find it daunting for various reasons.

1. Your Imposter Syndrome Might Kick In. That annoying little voice in your head telling you, “Who do you think you are? Are those results really that good? Didn’t you make a lot of mistakes?” All those voices that bring you down and make you too insecure to show yourself. You can put an end to this. I’ve written a blog about imposter syndrome before, so make sure to read that. But as I always say, it’s just a voice, and to that voice, you simply say, “Shut up!”

2. Women’s Ever-Present Modesty. I always say, modesty is nice, but it doesn’t buy you anything. Almost all the women I work with are too modest. I think it’s learned behavior, and on top of that, it’s expected of women. I often do the following exercise with women:

   • Share a success with me and tell me what you did to achieve it. They’ll come up with a story that’s not bad, but then I ask, “Now share this success as if you were bluffing.” And you know what? That’s often the level of truth. Try it yourself. That’s why I always say, share your success as if you were bluffing, and then you’re at the level of truth.

3. Women’s Contributions Are Often Undervalued. There’s another factor at play: women’s contributions are generally valued less than men’s. Really, there are various studies showing this, but the most striking is the comparison of two identical résumés—one from Jennifer and one from John. The content of both résumés was exactly the same. Participants were asked three questions:

   • Which candidate is suitable for this position?
   • Which candidate deserves the highest salary?
   • Which candidate has the potential to grow? Surprise!!! John, of course. Both men and women are guilty of this bias. It’s important to consider this assumption when increasing your visibility. How? By NOT being modest, as I mentioned before, but by finding that bluffing level.

How to Become More Visible?

By just doing it! By showing yourself! Just kidding, I started this blog that way because that’s the answer you often get. No, to be visible, here are a few tips:

• Share all your results with the people around you. Mention them in meetings, during coffee breaks, or just in passing. So just talk about them.
• When you achieve a success, celebrate it. A woman who managed to achieve a 20% savings in her department had a cake made with the numbers on it. She added a note and had it delivered to the executive team. Of course, her name was on the note.
• If you have an intranet, regularly share your opinions, progress, or results there.
• Make an agreement with someone to share your results, and do the same for that person. It’s often easier to share someone else’s successes than your own.
• Regularly share your ambitions with your manager. This also helps to manage any assumptions they might have about you.
• If you want to stand out more in a meeting, wear something colorful.
• Make sure your name is on your work, for example, under presentations.
• Sometimes, wearing glasses can help increase your visibility. Just wear a nice, noticeable pair of glasses with non-prescription lenses. A woman recently told me that she’s taken much more seriously and feels much more visible since she started doing this.
• Forward all compliments you receive to your manager.

I think you now have a good idea of what you can do to increase your visibility. And again, you’re helping your manager to give you a fair and appropriate assessment. Oh, and all your successes also reflect well on your manager. So, there’s another good reason to do it.

Difference in Visibility Between Men and Women

I’ve already mentioned bluffing. And this is the main difference between men and women when it comes to visibility. Men naturally find it much easier to bluff. Deborah Tannen has done a lot of research on this. She shares a hilarious experience:

She’s driving in a car with three little boys in the back seat. Boy 1 says: “We’re going to Disney tomorrow.” Boy 2 says: “We’re going to Disney for the whole week.” Boy 3 says: “We’re moving to Disney.”

Boys 1 and 2 are deeply impressed, and they all laugh about it.

From a young age, boys learn to bluff, and they’re rewarded for it. How do you think this works with girls? Exactly, if girls were to do this among themselves, they would be punished because modesty is almost ingrained in them.

Connecting with Archetypes

The archetypes come into play again. I’ll write separate blogs for each archetype. But for now, you can take it from me that Hestia is the least visible archetype. The most visible archetype is the seductive Aphrodite. But yes, she naturally likes to be the center of attention.

Artemis and Athena also know how to be visible, but Artemis isn’t always in the mood for it. Athena, on the other hand, knows how to use it strategically.

My advice to you is to channel your Athena with a touch of Aphrodite. Just try it.

How Can I Increase My Visibility Without Coming Across as Arrogant?

Many women think that being visible, sharing results, and expressing ambition equates to arrogance. But it doesn’t!!! It’s your false modesty that’s holding you back. It is true that in a female environment, you’ll achieve more if you balance modesty and visibility equally. And I’m definitely going to write a blog about the dynamics between women!