Maria recently completed her Master's degree and started as a trainee at a large energy company. She graduated cum laude due to her dedication, hard work, and ambition.

Full of energy, Maria began her career with the same dedication, hard work, and ambition, convinced that hard work would pay off and she would quickly advance in her career. However, you might already know that it doesn't work that way. So, how does it work?

Read on to learn what you need to know to build a career. This is mainly an overview. In other blogs, I will go into more detail. Consider this an extensive black-and-white summary!

What do you need to know if you want to build a career?

The most important thing to realize is that a game is being played. Building a career is a game! You might think, a game? Yes, it is a game, and men, in particular, have been playing this game since they were young. Organizations were established by men centuries ago, and men primarily worked there. This means their rules, their norms, their codes were dominant then and unfortunately still are. Men see work primarily as a game, while women tend to take it more seriously. Work is serious business.

What are the biggest pitfalls for women wanting to build a career?

As mentioned, men see work as a game, while women take it more seriously. There are also real differences in the game men play and the game women play. Do women also play a game? Not entirely, but due to our upbringing, external influences, and inherent traits, women generally approach things differently than men. For example, a woman is more likely to be modest, while a man finds it easier to boast. Or a woman values being liked, while a man prefers respect. It's not just that men and women think this way; society expects it from them as well.

What skills does a woman need?

In contrast to men, women need both masculine and feminine skills. An assertive man is seen as a good leader. An assertive woman is quickly perceived as dominant. This is what we call a masculine skill. As a woman, it is important to show not only assertiveness but also accessibility and kindness. I know, it's frustrating, but unfortunately, that's how it works right now. Keep reading before you give up because there is still hope.

Dealing with office politics

As I mentioned, a game is being played at work. Sometimes we call this office politics. To me, these are overblown, ineffective unwritten rules. They exist because they exist and, in my opinion, serve only personal interests. You don't have to participate in them, but it's important to recognize them and carefully consider what you want to do with them. Generally, you can only change such games when you are at the top of the hierarchy.

Here is an example about what I mean by office politics and how to change them:

A female director of a large government agency was chairing a meeting. A committee needed to be appointed, and a chairperson for this committee had to be chosen. This was an honorary position because the committee was usually named after the chairperson. The director knew exactly what would happen and said:

"Gentlemen, I understand that you now want to play a game about who should be chairperson. Personal interest is important to you. But we're going to do it differently now. We're going to decide together who should be the chairperson, who the best candidate is, because I prioritize the common good. And from now on, we will stop naming committees after individuals."

She could do this because she was the highest in the hierarchy, and respecting the hierarchy is an unwritten rule.

Differences between men and women

There are no differences between men and women.

I often hear this when talking about differences between men and women. My response is simple:

There are indeed differences, not just in appearance. Various studies show that men's brains work differently from women's. This applies to 4 out of 5 men and 4 out of 5 women. Apart from the hormones that work differently in men and women and certainly affect your career progression.

Studies have shown that women are very strong in reading emotions on faces, while men often have no idea what's going on. This is called the stronger empathic ability that women generally have. Whether it's innate or learned, opinions are divided, but you are born with your brain. You also get your hormones at birth, but you could manipulate these with medication, of course.

Learning the unwritten rules

I call them unwritten rules because they are deeply ingrained in the male brain. If you ask a man what the unwritten rules at work are, he has no idea what you're talking about. If you ask him if it's important to make your results visible, he says, "Of course!" So here's an important unwritten rule. Because you might be curious about all the masculine unwritten rules, I'll list them here. 

1. The first ‘no’ starts off the negotiation
2. Status symbols reinforce my position
3. Put out a fire
4. I will tell everyone how good I am
5. I promote myself and don’t discuss everything
6. Bluffing is okay
7. I make my results visible
8. I know when to keep my mouth shut from a strategic point of view
9. I always speak in the first person
10. When something is no longer important, I quit
11. I respect the hierarchy
12. I keep it businesslike, I’d rather have respect
13. I always make myself heard
14. I take care of business in my informal network
15. Appearances do matter

Learning archetypes

Treat others as you would like to be treated! My mother always told me this. But unfortunately, it doesn't work. My position is: treat others how they want to be treated. For this, I use Greek archetypes. I find it a straightforward way to gauge people. I recognize a dominant man with a big ego as a Zeus archetype and know that I need to use my businesslike Athena and be concise to get him on board with my ideas. I convince a distant Apollo mainly with facts and figures and have my Excel sheet ready.

Of course, here's an overview of the different female and male archetypes.

• Athena
• Artemis
• Hestia
• Demeter
• Persephone
• Aphrodite
• Zeus
• Apollo
• Hermes
• Poseidon
• Hephaistos

Dealing with people/bosses you don't like but need for your career steps

Finally, stop wanting to be liked! One-third of the people like you, one-third don't like you, and one-third don't care about you. And it constantly changes. Think of someone you dislike. He or she probably has a partner. By the way, the need to being liked is a great feed for imposter syndrome.

No need to being liked makes life much easier!

So, you can use people you don't like to take necessary steps. How you do that, how you use your power dynamics, I'll tell you in another blog.

Once again, this blog is more of a summary of the complete Stratego for Women story. But I think it gives a good picture.

And if you're now thinking, do I have to become a man? NO!

My advice is:
Learn the unwritten rules.
Play by the rules.
Gain more influence this way.
Change the unwritten rules!

And that's what Maria is going to do.

Want to learn everything to make your career go a lot easier? Follow Stratego for women!

https://www.monicbuhrs.com/stratego-course

Or send me an email to set up an half hour get-to-know session at [email protected]