Abigail works for a large international insurance company. She is very knowledgeable in her field, detail-oriented, and aims to do everything 100% perfect. She always prepares excellently because she is a perfectionist. Her added value is often invisible. She performs many so-called disappearing acts. During our coaching sessions, we discussed how she could make her work more visible. At the next management meeting, she gave a presentation (of course, 100% prepared) and explained what she does, but more importantly, the results she has achieved so far and the potential dangers she has managed to avoid for the company. The managers were astonished and had no idea of her contributions. Speaking up itself is not too difficult for Abigail, but it is when it involves talking about herself. But here’s the kicker. A week later, a manager approached her asking if she would like to work for him, which would mean a nice promotion. Her immediate reaction:

She was shocked and said, ‘No, I don't think I can do that, I am not ready, I need to learn more first...’ And this is a hallmark of Imposter Syndrome!

Do you recognize these thoughts:

• Can I really do this?
• What if they find out I’m not that smart at all?
• Everyone says I perform well, but I think it could actually be better.
• I’ve also been lucky to lead this project.

If you have one or more of these thoughts, there’s a good chance you suffer from Imposter Syndrome. It’s a psychological phenomenon where, despite all your successes and achievements, you feel incompetent or incapable. And let me clarify something immediately. Feeling this way does not mean it’s true! I always say: these are your thoughts, and that is not who you are!

Imposter Syndrome occurs in both men and women but is more common in women than in men.

Why is Imposter Syndrome more common in women than in men?

It mainly stems from the biases we all have regarding how men and women are ‘supposed’ to behave. Biases are unconscious assumptions we all hold. I always say, ‘If you have a brain, you have bias.’ The only time you have no bias is when you are born and from there on the bias develops. And it should as it's the only way to survive.

How does this bias come about?

Very simply, through parents, caregivers, and society!

Research shows that girls receive different messages than boys, initially from parents and later from society.

Girls often get questions and comments that question their competence, such as "Are you sure you can do this?" This can lead to self-doubt and the feeling that they constantly have to prove themselves. (imposter)
Boys are often encouraged to take risks and praised for their daring, such as "Wow you are brave!" This reinforces their self-confidence and the belief that they can handle challenges.

Girls are often praised for their hard work and patience, but less frequently for their talent. This can lead them to attribute their successes to hard work rather than their own abilities. (imposter)
Boys are more often praised for their intelligence and talent, which can contribute to a stronger belief in their own competence.

Teachers and caregivers can, often unconsciously, encourage girls less to participate in math and science-related activities. This can contribute to the belief that these fields are less suitable for them.
Boys are encouraged to be assertive and take risks, which helps develop self-confidence and an entrepreneurial spirit.

How to recognize Imposter Syndrome in yourself:

• You don’t accept compliments. This means you respond with phrases like:
  • I was lucky that...
  • I didn't do it alone
  • It wasn't that hard
• You downplay yourself and your importance.
• You present yourself modestly.
• You are a perfectionist and only want to contribute when you are a 100% sure it’s correct.
• You prefer to avoid new challenges and promotions (see Abigail).

How does Imposter Syndrome hold you back?

Do I need to explain that? I think the message is clear, right? But just to be sure; Imposter Syndrome hinders your development. It hampers your career opportunities. But more importantly, it holds you back! All these imposter thoughts are exhausting and unproductive. They mainly cost a lot of energy and frustration because they are mostly negative thoughts. So quickly moving on to the final part of this blog:

How can you deal with Imposter Syndrome and, more importantly, how can you get rid of it?

1. Give your imposter a name, like ‘Maggie’. Every time the imposter resurfaces, knowing that it is a thought, say ‘Stop Maggie’. Again, the imposter is a thought. You are not the imposter.

1. From now on, when you receive a compliment, say, ‘Thank you!’

2. Keep a weekly list of all your successes and achievements. Write them down and read them back each week. This boosts your self-confidence!

3. Never start sentences like:

   I am not sure but...
   Could it be an idea to...
   Maybe this doesn't make sense but...

   Instead say:

   I am convinced that...
   I suggest to...
   To my opinion this...

4. Realize that if you are asked for a promotion or new challenge, the person asking you truly believes in you. You have already shown that you can do it. Women are selected based on their track record, meaning you have already demonstrated your abilities; otherwise, you wouldn’t be asked. In this sense, men should be more worried, as they are often judged on their potential. This is a great topic for another blog!
5. Hire me 😂

Oh, and what will Abigail do now?

She will go back to the manager in question and tell him that she has thought it over and would like to discuss the job's specifics further.