Esther works in the risk management department of a bank. Her supervisor has been frequently absent due to a prolonged illness, and at his request, she has been taking over his tasks. It's uncertain if he will return. This means a bit more challenge in her work, but she also ensures the team gets the necessary attention. She devotes a lot of effort to this and notices that the team is flourishing. It happened somewhat informally, and she never considered that there might be compensation involved. She also never thought about officially taking on the role of supervisor. After all, she finds it fun and challenging. She literally says, "I don't need to earn more; I enjoy what I do and find that more important than money and status." In short, Esther is very modest!

What Does Modesty Look Like in the Workplace?

How do you know if you are 'too' modest? Do you meet any of the following points? If so, there's a good chance you are 'too' modest. I purposely say 'too' because modesty itself is not wrong. It's just important not to go too far and erase yourself. Here are the points where you can recognize modesty:

• You do little to no self-promotion. You attribute successes to the team and 'forget' to highlight your own contribution. Bragging doesn't even cross your mind. In fact, even telling the truth can feel like bragging.
• You are reserved in meetings. You are less likely to share your opinion or ideas unless explicitly invited to do so. But even then, you want to be 100% sure.
• Your focus is on collaboration, and you tend to support others and prefer to avoid conflicts.
• You tend to underestimate your own abilities and achievements, where self-criticism prevails at the expense of claiming your successes.
• You prefer to show modest leadership by doing rather than talking about it. This is also known as leading by actions and results instead of words.
• You prefer to work inconspicuously. As long as the results are achieved.

Do you recognize one or more of these points? Then you are probably too modest in the workplace.

Need a Few Concrete Examples?

How about these:

Project Presentation

You get to present a project you successfully completed. Instead of highlighting your role, you thank the entire team and give all the credit to the collaboration. As a result, your contribution goes unnoticed despite the fact that you played a crucial role.

Job Interview

During a job interview, you tend to underestimate your achievements and skills. Instead of emphasizing how you made a difference, you focus on the team's joint success. And it's precisely about selling yourself in this conversation, not your team!

Annual Review

In a performance review, you are more likely to indicate where you can improve than to list your successes. You focus on weaknesses, as you believe you can learn from your mistakes, right? This is likely to affect your career opportunities.

Why Does Modesty Hinder Your Career?

Again, a bit of modesty is admirable. But 'too' much can hinder your career for several reasons. Here are a few:

• You are not visible, so your contribution is often overlooked by supervisors and decision-makers.
• Self-promotion is (unfortunately) often still necessary to advance in a competitive work environment. Your modesty prevents you from highlighting your own successes and abilities. Someone who frequently promotes themselves is generally more noticed for the next step.
• Negotiating is something you probably don't do as a modest woman. And so you get less salary. And your salary also reflects your position. Lower salary means lower position, higher salary means higher position! Women who don't negotiate their salary or don't make clear their value to the company often get paid less than their assertive colleagues.
• Your modesty can sometimes be interpreted as a lack of ambition or self-confidence. In other words, your supervisors may wrongly assume that you are not interested in a promotion or extra responsibilities.
• By underestimating yourself, you might not challenge yourself enough or apply for positions you are more than qualified for. This can significantly hinder your professional growth and development.

Here's an example of what could happen at work.

When assigning an important project, your manager chooses that annoying colleague who often shares his or her successes and is proactively involved. Despite your qualifications and abilities, you are overlooked because you are less visible.

Or how about this one.

During a salary negotiation, you don't ask for a raise out of fear of coming across as arrogant or asking too much. And so you get a lower salary compared to that other colleague who does negotiate and makes their value known.

Negotiating and Modesty

It should be clear by now that modesty has a significant impact on the negotiation process. Negotiating is essential for career development, salary increases, promotions, and other work-related benefits. Without turning this blog into a negotiation blog, I'll share a few tips on how to overcome 'false' modesty.

Suppose you want to discuss your salary, first do thorough research on salary standards, market value, and comparable positions within and outside your organization. And you can do this well because this is mostly about 'content'. And that is exactly where you, as modest woman, are focussed on.

Focus on facts and data. Your results and achievements are facts and they are objective. The idea that this is objective can help you in your negotiation. After all, it's not (subjectively) about you personally but about your factual results and achievements. Try it! Facts are also harder to refute and will certainly help you overcome your modesty.

Then practice listing all your achievements and results in front of the mirror. Say them out loud several times and use the words 'I' and 'my'
"I ensured that..."
"Through my persistence, we succeeded in..."
"Together with my team, I managed to..."

What Fears Are Associated with Modesty?

Behind modesty often lies fear. You might think, "I disagree because I see modesty as a virtue." But when the word 'too' appears, fear is often the cause.

For example:

• Fear of rejection is very important. Will others still like me if I'm no longer modest? Regarding being liked, I can be very straightforward: Research shows that only one-third of people like you, one-third don't, and one-third are indifferent. And this constantly changes. So stop being modest for this reason. It's completely pointless!
• The Imposter Syndrome is an important reason for this modesty. It's a form of fear where you constantly doubt your own abilities.
• Modesty and fear can also be linked to perfectionism. You might be afraid of making mistakes or not meeting your own high standards. This is essentially another characteristic of Imposter Syndrome.

How Do You Handle Modesty While Advancing Your Career?

Finally, we arrive at the tips, although you might have already read tips between the lines. You will also see a lot of overlap in the blog about imposter syndrome.

• Keep track of your successes every week. And not just the big ones, but also the small successes. The fact that you googled this topic and came across this blog is already a success. Write them all down and read them back regularly.
• Cover your house, laptop, mirror, etc. with post-its about your qualities and say them out loud regularly. Always start with the word "I." So "I am driven. I am result-oriented. I am..." In other words, being a little egocentric is a must. And if you're going to say them anyway, record them and listen to them back regularly.
• Forward all compliments you receive to your supervisor and other decision-makers. Remember that these compliments also reflect well on them.
• If someone asks about your improvement points, turn it around. For example, say, "I prefer to talk about my strengths. I strongly believe in doing what you're good at and do more of that!"
• Tell your results to yourself in the mirror as if you think you're bluffing. That's the point where you're telling the truth. For modest women, telling the truth already feels like bluffing. You will also tend to downplay your results, so you are being too modest again. The next step is to practice this exercise with 'real' people, including your supervisor. People actually like hearing about successes! And this will greatly increase your visibility!
• Before a meeting, ask someone you trust to give you the floor on a topic you want to discuss. Naturally, you have prepared this well. There is absolutely no doubt about that.
• Follow me on various social media channels. I often share tips on how to handle being 'too' modest.

And what did Esther do? She followed my tips, negotiated her compensation and is now officially the Teamlead. Oh and to make sure she never forgets she followed my on demand Stratego for women course. Click on the link below!

https://www.monicbuhrs.com/stratego-course