A few years ago, I bought two cabinets. I asked the salesperson:

“What do I get if I buy two cabinets?”

His answer:
“Two cabinets.”

The good news:
I was (or I tried to be) negotiating.

The bad news:
I did it wrong!

What went wrong in this example with the two cabinets?

I wasn’t specific enough.

I should have said:
“If I buy two cabinets, what can be discounted from the price?”

Okay, back to the topic.

How to Negotiate as a Woman?

Are you familiar with the 80/20 rule?
This also applies to negotiating. It means prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare, and then negotiate. In other words, 80% of the negotiation is about preparation.

If preparation is so important, what should you prepare for?

The most important thing is that you know what you want.
Often, I speak with women who enter negotiations with a “we’ll see” attitude. A bit like the example of the two cabinets. I asked what I would get if I bought two cabinets. Of course, I wanted a discount. But I hadn’t prepared anything further. If I had prepared, I would have asked, “What can be discounted from the price?” And if I had prepared even better, I might have thought of asking for a 10% discount. Would I then ask for a 10% discount?

No, of course not, because if I ask for 10%, I always get less. You must remember that the salesperson also wants to negotiate (and they likely do this often). So, with good preparation, I would have asked for a 20% discount. This builds in negotiating room.

So again, think about what you want and then add a “decent” extra. For example, if it’s about your salary and you want €3500, add about 10 to 20%. So, ask for €4000. Simple, right?

What Does ‘No’ Mean in a Negotiation?

Then you prepare for the first ‘no,’ the next ‘no,’ and the subsequent ‘no,’ and so on. You might think, huh? No means no, right?
For you as a woman, yes. But now I’m assuming you’re negotiating with a man. How to negotiate with a woman will be covered in a separate blog.

For women, ‘no’ means no! So the negotiation stops.

And for men?

For men, ‘no’ means maybe! So the negotiation can begin.

This is a crucial difference between how men and women negotiate.

Let’s look at those two cabinets again. And now I’ve prepared for multiple ‘no’s.’

This is how the conversation goes:

Me: “I’m buying two cabinets at once, what can be discounted from the price?”
He: “Nothing” (this is a ‘no’)
Me: “When I buy two cabinets at once, I’d like a 20% discount.”
He: “20%???? That’s way too much” (this is another ‘no,’ but he’s just saying it’s too much, so he’s actually saying, I want to give some discount but not 20%)
Me: “I hear you say that 20% is too much.”
He: “Yes, way too much.” This is already a considerably softened ‘no.’
Me: “Okay, if 20% is too much, what do you think is reasonable?”
He: “I’m thinking more like 10%.”
Me: “I’m very glad you’re considering this. Let’s meet halfway and settle on 15%, and I’ll pay immediately for these two beautiful cabinets.”

Do you see how simple this is?

I prepared for the first ‘no’ and continued with the negotiation, then I prepared for the next ‘no’s.’

Never Ask the ‘Why’ Question!

Me: “I’m buying two cabinets at once, what can be discounted from the price?”
He: “Nothing” (this is a ‘no’)
Me: “Why not?”

This is a big, fat no-no. Never ask the ‘why’ question during a negotiation! Why not? 😂

Because he’ll just go on explaining why he won’t give a discount, and that’s exactly what you don’t want to hear. Before you know it, you’ll end up in a pointless debate, and you won’t get anywhere.

Why You Want as Many Arguments as Possible During Negotiation

This strategy of preparing for the ‘no’ also applies to salary negotiations. Every ‘no’ you get means you have an argument ready to turn the ‘no’ into an eventual yes.

And of course, don’t throw all your arguments out at once, or you’ll run out of negotiating room. And if you start repeating, you’ll be seen as a nag, which you don’t want. So it’s very simple:

You state what you want and then add a generous amount (your negotiating room).
You get a ‘no.’
You provide argument number 1.
You get another ‘no.’
You provide argument number 2.
You get another ‘no.’
You provide argument number 3.
And so on, and yes, it can take quite a while, maybe even up to 7 rounds or more.

What if it really doesn’t work?

If it remains a big, fat ‘no,’ then ask:
“What is possible?”

This helps the other party move more into the ‘yes’ mode.

And the most important thing to remember is that negotiating is primarily a game. A game that is really fun and can earn you a lot of respect. And don’t confuse that with being liked. That’s something else entirely, and I’ll definitely cover that in a future blog.

And if you want to read more tips and tricks on how to negotiate as a woman you can download my e-book here!