Let’s first consider what the term “bitch” actually means. Once you understand that, it might be less upsetting to be called one. It stands for: Being In Total Control of Herself. So, the next time someone calls you a bitch, just say thank you. Consider it a compliment.

Why Are Women Often Seen as a ‘Bitch’?

A man once told me, “Monic, I can imagine that some men are intimidated by you.” When I probed further, he said that I sometimes come across as a bitch because I can be very direct. I asked him what I should be instead. “A bit softer,” he said. I found this amusing, but he meant that I could be a bit kinder or dress up my message a little more. I then asked, and I think you can see where this is going, “Would you say this to a man?” No, he said, it’s different…

This is why women are often labeled as a bitch. When a woman behaves in a more masculine way rather than a feminine way, she risks being seen as a bitch. This judgment comes from both men and women.

In the stereotypical expectations we still face, women are expected to behave in a feminine, nurturing, and empathetic manner.

But don’t worry, I actually see it as a compliment!

Why Are Women Afraid of This Label?

Well, I can understand why, but many women, maybe even you, don’t like being labeled as a bitch. It’s one thing when men label you as a bitch, but it’s another when women do it too. The fact is, many women value being liked. And that’s often the problem; we don’t like the bitch. In other blogs, I discuss my thoughts on being liked. One-third of people will like you, one-third will not, and one-third won’t care. So even if you are a bitch, there will still be people who like you. Isn’t that nice?

But seriously, in this blog, I will share more about how you can be liked by more people with just a small adjustment, even if you are seen as a bitch.

Connecting to Archetypes

In one of my books and also in these blogs, I sometimes talk about archetypes. This theory comes from Shinoda Bolen. She suggests that people exhibit different behaviors and links these to Greek gods and goddesses. Let’s stereotype for a moment and assume that women primarily display behaviors associated with the goddesses. Although this isn’t always the case, for this explanation, we’ll use behaviors often associated with female archetypes. This isn’t necessarily accurate, but it makes things clearer for now.

We work with six Greek goddesses who represent archetypes:

• Athena, the Top Executive
• Artemis, the Entrepreneur
• Hestia, the Thinker
• Demeter, the Nurturer
• Persephone, the Maiden
• Aphrodite, the Seductress

The first three goddesses are mainly independent and struggle with connection. Demeter and Persephone are the goddesses who are very connecting. Aphrodite is somewhat in between.

The archetype most likely to be called a bitch is the Athena goddess. She is the most “masculine” goddess who operates primarily from her head, her intellect. In Greek mythology, she was also born from Zeus’s head. I go into much more detail about this in the blog about all archetypes. Perhaps you know a woman in a high position who you think:

• “I don’t want to become like her.”
• “She makes no contact whatsoever.”
• “What a queen bee.”

Chances are, this top executive displays primarily Athena behavior and thus quickly earns the nickname bitch. To avoid this, it’s crucial for Athena women to combine their intellectual independence with a more connecting goddess, like Demeter. Demeter is the archetype that everyone likes because she takes care of everyone and shows great interest. Top women who exhibit this are leaders we respect and like a lot. A great example is Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand—firm, strong, clear, yet very approachable and empathetic.

Dealing with Skeptical Men: How?

But let’s say you don’t yet know that you should combine different archetypes and mostly display bitch behavior. How do you deal with these men? Generally, I find men easy to handle. They also display different archetypes, and I can quickly gauge how to influence them. Even my bitch side can be useful sometimes, but I use it intentionally.

Back to you. If you want to influence a man without being seen as a bitch, if you are his boss, it’s straightforward. You can be the bitch. He may not like it, but men value hierarchy and clarity. So, if you’re the boss, show your Athena side. Really. I still hear men say: “I have a female boss, but my God, she’s so insecure. I just want to know where I stand, that’s it.” His boss was the kind, caring Demeter who wants to do well for others. It doesn’t work.

But if you need to influence a man who isn’t your boss, then you might need to hide the bitch side and show it only when necessary. It may sound complex and contradictory, but you want to be effective in influencing to achieve your goals. Relying solely on Athena might lead to the bitch label, which won’t help you achieve your goals or may cost you a lot of energy. Playing with the different goddesses is much easier. I’ve written an extensive blog about all archetypes and how to influence effectively.

Fear of Being Seen as Demanding

You might worry that you’ll be seen as a bitch because you’re too demanding. Fear and anxiety are elements of Imposter Syndrome. It’s just a voice in your head stopping you from standing up for yourself or exerting influence. I particularly see this with the Demeter and Persephone archetypes. Due to their connecting qualities, these are goddesses who focus on others. Just as Athena can veer into being a bitch, Demeter and Persephone can slide into their own Imposter. It’s no longer a syndrome, but an Imposter. And you don’t want that. It’s clear that to influence effectively without being seen as a bitch (and not as an Imposter, who can’t influence), you need to navigate both dependent and independent goddesses.

How to Be Assertive Without Being Seen as Aggressive?

Finally, I want to address the difference between assertive and aggressive. Let’s be honest, isn’t it strange that a woman is labeled a bitch for displaying masculine behavior and independence? What do we call a man who does the same? You won’t believe it… A strong leader. He is seen as assertive, while you are labeled aggressive. It’s ridiculous. But the fact is, this is still how gender perceptions work. You could say, “I don’t care and will remain the bitch.” Fine, but nothing changes, including the perception. Although it might be tempting to stick to your behavior, it’s important to realize that with small adjustments, you can achieve significant changes in perception and influence. I want to make the world better for everyone by helping more women take their influence. And believe me, if you start playing with the goddesses, you’ll gain more influence and help me with my mission: Making the world a better place for everyone.