It can be incredibly frustrating if you constantly find yourself irritated by your boss. Your first thought might be to look for another job, but that doesn’t always solve the problem. There's a good chance you'll encounter another boss who also annoys you. So, if you're in a situation where you’re irritated by your boss, stay put, read this blog, and apply the various tips!

Examples of Irritations:

You're probably not alone in having issues with your boss. Although I still have irritations, I manage them much better now. I’ve even learned to use them to my advantage, and with some practice, you can too! Perhaps you recognize yourself in these examples. Reflect on which of these points annoy you the most and why.

A boss who:

• Loves to hear themselves talk
• Is domineering
• Values their ego highly
• Constantly doubts things
• Has a preference for big talkers
• Makes stupid jokes, for example, about women
• Doesn’t protect me And I’m sure there are more points to consider.

When I think about a boss I’d like to work for, these are the qualities I expect:

• Provides guidance, but not too much, as I also want the freedom to do my job as I see fit.
• Is a figurehead for the department, but not excessively so; not everything should revolve around them.
• Is proud of their team.
• Is firm and clear, but not too rigid—also somewhat flexible.
• Is there for me when needed.

That’s quite a list, and you might be able to add a few more points. In short, I expect a boss with five legs, and such a boss does not exist. Therefore, you will always find certain aspects of your boss irritating.

The question is how you handle it and how you can even turn it to your advantage.

Why It’s Important to Handle Boss Irritations Well If You Want to Advance

As I mentioned, you probably expect that mythical boss with five legs, but since that doesn’t exist, I tell all the women I work with: Deal with it!

Although this might sound abrupt, there is truth in it: learning to handle irritations can significantly improve your work experience and career.

I have a method that works for me in dealing with irritations, and I’d like to share it with you.

Here are some general considerations:

• What does your boss do really well?
• What do you respect about your boss?
• What’s something your boss does that you think is quite impressive?

In other words, try to focus on the positive aspects of that person. This mindset can help you handle irritations better.

The most important message I have for you is that you will never change the other person. Really, you won’t! So don’t waste your energy on that. What you can do—and this is how I approach it—is adjust your own behavior to influence the other person so that, despite the irritations, you can achieve your goals. I’m assuming in this blog that you need your boss to advance. After all, he or she is your boss.

The Importance of Learning to Communicate - Verbally and Non-Verbally

Now you might be wondering how I do this. It’s quite simple: I pay close attention to both verbal and non-verbal communication from the other person. Non-verbal signals, such as body language and facial expressions, often convey more than words. By learning to read these signals, you can adjust your communication more effectively. But I also pay close attention to what is happening verbally.

I categorize all of this and adjust my behavior accordingly. We have developed a very simple model for this, which involves archetypes. Jean Shinoda Bolen is the pioneer of this concept, suggesting that everyone’s behavior is shaped by their archetypes. She uses Greek gods and goddesses as imagery. We’ve adapted this model for a business context. Essentially, everyone, including you, has a choice between different archetypes or behaviors. By observing and listening closely to the other person, you can determine which archetype will have the desired effect. It’s like dealing with children. Depending on what your child does (or shouldn’t do), you adjust your behavior to achieve your goals. For instance, if your child throws a tantrum in the supermarket, you might:

• Get angry yourself
• Lie down on the floor and tantrum too
• Sweeten the deal with a candy
• Ignore the behavior

Similarly, after observing your boss closely, you discover which archetype they primarily use and adjust your behavior accordingly. You choose an archetype that works well with your boss.

Years ago, I had a boss I couldn’t stand. He was distant and only talked about facts. He lacked empathy, and I often didn’t understand what he meant, especially since he was quite terse. I had a major clash with him over a personal issue with a team member, and he immediately attacked me, saying I was apparently unsuitable for my role. I was furious, and it didn’t end well, leading me to leave quickly (I started my own business). In hindsight, I recognize him as the distant, factual Apollo archetype. I used the nurturing Demeter archetype myself. These two are like oil and water… That doesn’t work. Now, I would think, “Okay, he wants facts. I need to translate this personal issue into factual consequences, preferably with an Excel sheet.”

Or consider dealing with a dominant Alpha Male Zeus? If your dominant archetype is primarily Hestia, it won’t work. You’ll come across as too lengthy and content-focused, and you’ll annoy yourself with that dominant blabbermouth.

In other words, instead of getting irritated, observe what someone is sensitive to and adjust your behavior accordingly.

Impact of Irritations on Your Job Satisfaction and Ambitions

You don’t have to do this, of course. You can continue to be annoyed and even let that show. Holding on to these irritations can lead to a negative work environment, reduced productivity, and even conflicts at work. Is that going to positively impact your ambitions? Probably not, unless the boss above also wants to get rid of this boss, but that’s unlikely.

And that’s not the only reason to adjust your behavior instead of constantly getting irritated. Your workdays won’t get any better, and neither will those of your colleagues. Moreover, it drains energy that will negatively affect your performance. And let’s not forget the negative perception that might develop about you.

How Can I Address My Irritations Constructively?

That probably won’t help much!

This answer might not surprise you if you’ve read the blog so far.

Unless—and I mean a very big UNLESS—your boss is someone who is open to reflection and values feedback to change their style. You could say that everyone is capable of this, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. And let’s be honest, a major reason you’re so annoyed is that you think the other person is incapable of handling feedback, reflecting, or growing. So don’t bother.

Instead of treating the other person as you’d like to be treated, I suggest treating them as they want to be treated. This will make your work life much easier and with less irritation.

And don't forget to have fun and laugh about it.